


Not Sleeping

by Lethargic_Pink



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Needs a Hug, Angst, Bullying, Canon compliant belief in Lila, Character Death, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Non-Consensual Touching, Self-Doubt, Suicidal Thoughts, Things aren’t what they seem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27339997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lethargic_Pink/pseuds/Lethargic_Pink
Summary: Adrien wondered why people believed her so readily? Enough that now he was the outcast? A sex offender?Why was it so easy for her to turn everyone against him?They should know he’d never do such a thing, never do anything she said he did, and yet they turned from him like they had on her.He wondered if this is what it felt like? So very alone.Betrayed.or-What if Lila's claws were sharper than any of us ever thought?
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 26
Kudos: 66
Collections: October 2020 - Dark





	1. Bring Me a Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic to ever contain a certain Miss Lila Rossi! Oh my gosh! You can probably understand why there's that non-con tag there.  
> So, warnings first and foremost. This is a **dark** fic. There will be no happy endings here. There are mentions of suicide, bullying, and non-consensual touching if you didn't notice the tags.  
> That being said, I've had this bad boy written for nearly _two months_ now! It came about when my younger brother played me the song that inspires this first chapter and asked me "What if you wrote a fic and killed Marinette with this being Adrien's pov?" Of course, my angsty butt was like, *finger guns* "Heck yeah, will do!" So I did.  
> This is written for my brother so I decided to release it on his birthday! Thanks bro! Happy Birthday!
> 
> [Mr. Sandman - SYML](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbPsIWto5PY)

Adrien lay slumped against a bed. 

It was not his own.

Once again he had snuck into this room. 

Really he should stop, but he couldn’t help but try to be close to her in any way he could. 

Somehow, the action of coming here and staying for a little while always seemed to ease the loneliness, to make him feel like she was still here. 

He closed his eyes and sunk into the pillows, pretending that it was her arms, that she was holding him close like she would whenever they were miles above the ground, far up in the rafters of the Eiffel Tower or on a random rooftop whenever he needed love.

She never did complain when they couldn’t do patrol because he had had a particularly bad day, just made sure he knew that she only did it as friends.

He didn’t care. He didn’t care if it was done out of friendship or romantic love, he’d take whatever he could get.  
Beggars couldn’t be choosers when you’re as touch deprived as he is.

Plagg curled up above him on the small shelf in a small, pink, handmade bed. It was not for him, but he used it anyways, because he could tell he’d be here for awhile. That’s usually what happened after the sort of day his kid had. If Adrien would only give him the permission, he would have destroyed that awful lot, but the boy was too kind for his good.

Adrien stared forward, out at the room, with unseeing eyes.

He slowly closed them and imagined _her._

The lips of pink roses that were turned up in a soft smile, the sparkling light of hope and wonder in those bluebell eyes that were as wide as the sky and deep as the ocean.  
It was silly, he knew, to truly feel like he could drown in them when that was such an iconic sentence.

He saw the pretty dusting of blush on freckled cheeks, the way she looked at him shyly, her chin tucked in. 

He could hear the way she stumbled over her words in his mind, the melodic sound of her voice.

The way she walked filled his inner vision. The grace barely below the surface of her fawn like steps, so easily overlooked when she stumbled and fell, but it was there. 

He loved it when the innocent, sweet girl pulled away and became a commanding officer in the face of emergencies. The shining blue eyes becoming sharp with intelligence, her shoulders pulling back to puff out her chest, her chin tilting up, and suddenly she was filled with authority and everyone would listen with rapt attention when she uttered even a single sound. 

He now knew why that happened, but that knowledge wasn’t of much use anymore.

He should have looked closer when the light, the spark, started to fade from her bluebell depths. Should have listened closely when her melody became raspy. Should have asked when the grace and hidden strength disappeared. Or when her eyes looked red from crying. Instead, he had dismissed the color as the lights of the city reflecting differently.

He had been so busy keeping up with the work his father was giving him that he missed how everyone either glared at the girl, or acted as if she wasn’t there. So busy believing he’d gotten the wench to stop that he missed the way she pulled into herself, the smile fading, her lips becoming permanently red with blood from constantly placing them in between her teeth, her rosy cheeks turning so pale the freckles stood out against them like dirt on snow, the hollow of them, the way they turned a bruise color beneath her eyes that became more grey than blue and far more deeper and haunted than they had any right to be. 

He didn’t notice when her hands had become unsure, when they had become thin and when they started to shake. Didn’t notice that the soft clicks of shoes stopped following her, replaced by quiet, padding steps that left small traces of blood wherever she went.

She didn’t even try very hard to hide it all unless it was in front of her parents, and yet he’d missed it.

How had he missed it?

Suddenly, she was in his arms, her skin more pale than before, more translucent. Her breathing was soft and slow, and if you didn’t listen closely, you’d miss it completely. 

The red didn’t look as nice splattered across her face and matting her midnight hair as it did when she wore her mask.

She was always a bit colder than others, getting out her scarves and coats when fall started, but she was like ice in his arms now.

He remembered the way she somehow got even colder, the way the red continued to grow, and the way two small pricks stabbed into his palms.

Adrien opened his eyes again and turned to look at the ceiling.

Today had been hard. 

Harder than usual.

Which was saying something.

He had woken up feeling as if he could barely breathe and when he inhaled, it scratched against his throat, but that was something normal now.  
No, what made today worse was what Lila had told him.

Since _she_ had gone, since she had left him on his own, it was _him_ who took the brunt of Lila’s lies now. 

Adrien wondered why people believed her so readily? Enough that now he was the outcast? A sex offender? 

Why was it so easy for her to turn everyone against him?

They should know he’d never do such a thing, never do anything she said he did, and yet they turned from him like they had on _her_.

How many more people must fall to the wench before she’s satisfied? Before they realize what she’s done? Would there be more if he gave up too?

His friends had turned against him, his father had removed him from model work. He didn’t understand why father believed Lila more than him.

He wasn’t sure what hurt more, the looks his “friends” give him, his father’s judgment and mistrust, or M@*!#&*+>?

He wondered if this is what she felt like? So very alone.

Betrayed. 

And he hadn’t known.

He hadn’t known till she’d left.

Adrien’s eyes slipped closed as he replayed the entire thing over again. It had become a habit to run through it at night as he stared up at the ceiling. To pick it apart, piece by piece, and see what it was that had gone wrong, what would have happened if he’d kept holding her, or if he’d realized what she was doing.

<◉>

_The school bell rung to release everyone for the day._

_Adrien had a photoshoot to get to, but Adrien felt like he needed to talk to Marinette, so he forsook his car, running quickly past so that Gorilla wouldn’t notice him, trying to catch up with his friend._

_He reached her at the crosswalk that would bring her home._

_Something was off today. He didn’t know what it was, just that he needed to stop Marinette. From what, he wasn’t sure._

_“Hey! Marinette!” he called, then caught her by the shoulder._

_Marinette turned. He could barely see her face properly with how her hair hung loosely around it, her bangs in her eyes. When had she stopped wearing her pigtails?_

_From what he could see though, was how the light had all but disappeared from her gaze._

_His hand snapped back and he recoiled without meaning to._

_Only when she looked up at him did he see a flicker of what had once been in those grey eyes._

_Her lips turned up in a small, grateful smile. It felt as if it had been ages since he’d seen her do that._

_Slowly, she reached up and took her earrings out, then grabbed his hand, bringing it up with cold, shaky fingers. She gently placed the red and black jewelry in his palm, closing his fingers over them, then patted them._

_Her head turned and she looked over at the opposite side of the sidewalk, where the pedestrian light just turned red, she looked down the street._

_Then she walked away._

_She stepped out into the road._

_A car screeched to a stop, but it didn’t slow fast enough and Adrien was frozen as he watched her be hit in the side, fall to the ground, and then be crushed beneath the tires, the sound of glass shattering from where she hit the windshield and bones crushing filled his ears and he doubted he’d forget it._

_Realizing what happened, the driver quickly pulled forward just enough to get off Marinette and ran out of the car to check on the girl he’d accidentally hit._

_Adrien walked over numbly as the man called 112, not knowing what else to do, and gently pulled her out from under the car, cradling her broken form._

_He brushed the long bangs from her eyes, wiping away some of the blood running down her face, but it comes back in seconds anyways._ _  
_ _Adrien had heard that head injuries looked worse than they really are, bleeding more easily than other wounds, and he was hoping that that was the case here, but then there was blood from her broken arm and leg, both twisted and deformed, neither looking the way they should._

 _The light was gone from her eyes as she looked up at him, her breath shallow and short, but there was still the softest of smiles and recognition in their grey depths. “_ Mon Chaton. _” she whispered far quieter than anyone could likely hear, but he wasn’t just anyone. And she knew that._

 _She opened her mouth to say something more. It was even quieter than before, but amidst the blaring of sirens and shouting, he was still able to hear it, and his heart_ ached _with the sentence._

 _Why did it take her this long to tell him?_ _  
_ _Finally, before the medics could reach her, her eyes slid shut, her breaths quieted, and the_ thump thump _of her heart disappeared._

<◉>

Adrien’s eyes slid open to a room of pink. 

It was still hard thinking of her name.

They’d dismissed the accident as just another stupid pedestrian that had decided to disregard the light. It happened often enough. It helped that everyone switched their tune regarding her, so no one had reason to believe she’d possibly just walk out into the street on purpose.

A breath stretched his lungs and slowly escaped. 

His fingers came up to the black piercings in his ears and brushed over one in small circles. 

He knew it was wrong, but it felt like she was right there when he wore them. He knew he should have given them back to Fu, but he couldn’t bring himself to part with them, even more so when he realized that there would be a new Ladybug. 

He couldn’t fight with a new Ladybug, but he didn’t want to lose Plagg either. He was the only one keeping Adrien up. 

Lila’s words from earlier in the day came back to mind.

<◉>

_Her disgusting hands brushed across his chest._

_They were in the boy’s bathroom._

_He’d run there in hopes for a moment alone, but for some damn reason, the wench had followed him like social norms just didn’t exist for her. He supposed that so long as no one else was there to see, then they really didn’t. She’d distracted the other boys with something outside, he hadn’t bothered looking, instead running to the bathroom._

_Her smile was wicked and yet poisonously sweet as she drew her fingernails across his chest, then gripped his bicep tightly and bit her lip._

_He stayed still, knowing she’d leave him be faster if he simply didn’t move, losing interest in having no reaction._

_He never did like to confront people. It often brought more harm than good._

_He didn’t hear the whisper in his head that sounded a bit like Marinette,_ “But it would have saved _me_ , wouldn’t it have?”

_She stepped onto her tiptoes and kissed just below his jaw, near his ear. He fought a shudder of disgust._

_“Oh?” she cooed when she looked at his ears properly, “What’s this?”_

_White hot flames filled his veins._

_She reached for the earrings but he pulled away, slapping her hand from them before they could touch. His gaze hardened._

_She could do what she wanted, but he would_ gladly _take going to jail if he had to so long as the vixen kept her_ grubby paws _away from Marinette, even if that only meant protecting the earrings._

_Her smile turned sharper._

_“Are those… are those_ her earrings? _Did you get them pierced because of_ her _?” She said incredulously. “Wow.” she laughed, the sound clawing at his ears and he bit down a grimace. Show no weakness._

 _“I didn’t think you were_ that _obsessed with her! You two really_ would _have been the perfect couple. Two pathetic losers, wouldn’t that be nice?” Her laughing stopped but her grin remained._

 _“That reminds me of something.” She began to monologue, walking around him, watching for his reaction. “That day she, you know, offed herself?” she giggled like it was something funny. “Yeah, well, I told her something earlier.” Lila brought out her phone and scrolled it to an older picture, a picture where Adrien had been_ required _to kiss Lila for a shoot. The photo was released in a fashion magazine soon after Marinette’s death. Even_ looking _at the picture made Adrien want to retch again. He had done so soon after getting home that day._

 _“I said, ‘Look, I’ve won, Adrien is now mine. Maybe you should just kill yourself and hope you’ll wake up as someone like me in your next life.’ Imagine my surprise when she actually took my advice!”_ _  
_ _The words Marinette had uttered that day now had an entirely new meaning. It twisted his gut and stabbed his heart._

 _The wench laughed and Adrien found that he hated her more than he thought._ _  
_ _Something snapped within him, seeing how she took joy out of the fact that she’d essentially_ murdered _someone._

Slap.

_Lila was stunned, her face stinging._

_She slowly turned to see the one who had backhanded her, his hand still raised._

_“Oh.” was all she could say._

_Perhaps it was because he had been so docile with whatever she did that she had forgotten that there could be a beast that lay beneath._

_His pupils were slit, and despite his tired face, it was alive with rage far greater than she’d ever seen before._ _  
_ _She slowly backed away in fear._

_Oh she had messed up this time, really messed up._

_Was he going to kill her now?_ _  
_ _To her surprise, he merely snarled before leaping out the window and running away._

 _He ran from rooftop to rooftop without even transforming, fighting tears until he saw_ her _balcony._

Marinette’s _balcony._

_A sob escaped his chest and his breath hiccuped as he dropped in, crying quietly into her pillow._

_Plagg watched on sadly before turning to where Tikki lay silently on the shelf in her bed._

_She was grey and her black spots were far larger than they should have been. She didn’t move. Hadn’t moved since she’d lost her bug._

_It was always rough when a kwami was torn from their charge, but this time was far worse than Plagg had ever seen._

_He wished Pigtails hadn’t left, hadn’t moved on without them. He wondered if she knew the damage she’d do._

_Probably not._

_She probably thought no one cared._

<◉>

Adrien hadn’t moved since then. He laid there even when the sun had set, and he didn’t _want_ to move. 

He doubted he’d ever leave this room again. 

He didn’t want to anyways.

It’s not like anyone would be looking for him.

His friends didn’t care, his father didn’t either, and nobody came up here anymore. 

Sabine and Tom hadn’t the strength to even open the trap door below, too heartbroken to faced what they’d lost, instead opting to simply take out the stairs.

If it hadn’t been for his visits, every item in the room would have had a thick layer of dust now, but it still looked lived in because he was here. He lived here now.

Well, lived would be the wrong term.

He didn’t _live_ anymore.

No, he just stayed here.

Adrien closed his eyes again and wished for a dream. 

Wished that Marinette was here with him, that maybe they could laugh at some stupid cat video or watch some anime like they had that one time when he’d come as Chat. 

A song popped into mind, a sad version he’d only heard recently. 

  


_Sandman, I’m so alone._

_Don’t have nobody to call my own._

_Please turn on your magic beam._

_Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream._

  


Yes, a dream would be nice. A dream of her.

To get such a thing, he would gladly beg. 

A sigh escaped his pale lips that had slowly gained their own red scabs.

He turned again in the bed and pulled the covers over his head, hiding his gaunt face from the world, the eyes that had greyed and become far more deeper and haunted than they had any right to be.

Nobody would look for him. 

Nobody would find him.

He can stay here.

So he did.

He stayed even when he heard screams outside.

Stayed when he heard destruction.

Stayed when everyone cried out for their heroes.

How disappointing it must have been when _nobody came._

They all deserved to understand how he and Marinette felt, even if just a little.

He closed his eyes, and whispered the same thing she had that day like a “goodnight” to no one in particular, and drifted off to sleep.

_“Je ne peux pas vivre sans toi.”_

  
  


_I can’t live without you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter! I hope you all... liked it? Not sure if that's the right phrase.  
> Anyways! I'll be posting the second chapter later today, it'll be from Marinette's pov. I hope you all look forward to it!  
> Oh, and about a few things, the last line is another way to say 'I love you' in France which is why I used it instead of Je'taime because that didn't really feel deep enough? And there's actually apparently a real problem in Paris with walking despite the traffic light. Y'all better be smarter than that!  
> Hope you have a good day! Stay safe!  
> Comments, questions, feedback, and speculation are all adored!


	2. Disappeared From the World Within My Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re worthless.”  
> “Such a burden.”  
> “You make everyone’s day worse just by being here.”  
> “So stupid.”  
> “Why did anyone ever love you?”  
> It was almost impossible to ignore them, to not listen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a bit short, but hey! I wanted a sort of explanation. That's what this chapter was.   
> I wanted to give more reason, more depth, to this story so it's not just a one shot.   
> Hopefully, this chapter will shock and surprise you!  
> Not everything is as it seems.
> 
> This chapter, like the last one, has a song that's inspired it. I like this specific version and have for a long time so I hope you like it too!  
> [Don't Look at Me in That Way -【Pumpking】](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pyu8M_bgXDQ%7B)

Marinette was  _ tired _ .

She was tired of her classmates’ glares, tired of the judging looks, tired of the growing suspicion in her parents’ eyes, tired of the heavy silence that followed her wherever she went, tired of the way everyone whispered about her, tired of the bullying, and tired of Lila.

Sometimes, she was so tired with everything, she could barely find it in her to get up for the day and it was often after much deliberation.

Marinette was  _ exhausted  _ and it showed.

It showed in the way she walked, often barefoot, in the way her hair got in her eyes, in the way she moved slowly in constant pain.

It showed when she was Ladybug, no matter how hard she tried to hide it, she simply couldn’t make the fading light from her eyes reappear and couldn’t bring up enough energy to properly fight.

She often wondered what would happen if she just stopped and gave up, but then people would die and things would be ruined and Tikki and Chat would be hurt, so even though her heart wasn’t in it anymore, she still fought.

The media was worried that she was sick, but that’s as far as their speculation went, instead just content with her still showing up to save the day. It really said something about her worth if all that mattered at the end of the day was if she did her job properly. It wasn’t even a proper  _ job _ , she hardly got anything in return for it. Just more of a mess.

It was actually a bit due to how she had to keep this secret that things had gotten so bad. She had no excuse, no lie, as to where she disappears to when there are akumas and she had patrols, or the way she’s overly protective of her bag whenever Tikki is in it. So people could say anything they wanted, and Lila took advantage of that, making the worst of the rumors, and now her parents weren’t quite sure what to think.

Of course they loved their daughter and would trust that she’s not doing anything too terrible, but there’s always that small doubt isn’t there? 

What if what they say is true?

They knew about how she would randomly leave at times. But they didn’t know where she went.

What if… what if she was pulled into some sort of drug cartel and can’t get out? What if she doesn’t  _ want  _ to get out?

It didn’t help that Marinette had gotten more pale and gaunt from stress as of late. It made her look more like she could be a druggie.

How will they know to help her or not when she doesn’t speak to them?

Marinette was a good girl though. Surely she’d know to reach out when she’s in over her head, right? So for now they’d wait, and they’d try to quiet their suspicions, but its hard to do that when the seed of doubt is already sown.

Marinette didn’t blame her parents.

She’d be worried too if her daughter started to act strange and withdrew from her.

It was just a bit exhausting, because she couldn’t tell them where she’d actually been, and it hurt to make them worry so, but it was a necessary caution, so she would accept  _ this  _ over perhaps having them be targeted by Hawkmoth. Who knew what that man would do if he found out that they were the parents of Ladybug?

Chat helped ease the burden of their secret, but not by much because she couldn’t tell him about a lot of things too. She traded one set of secrets for the other when it came to switching identities.

Tikki was trying, really she was, but its hard to keep your charge afloat when the rest of the world is bearing down on her, threatening to crush Marinette beneath it’s merciless heel.

Marinette was terribly lonely.

Her classmates had completely stopped interacting with her. Her role as class representative taken by someone else. 

Who?

She wasn’t quite sure, but it was likely Alya.

She didn’t know because no one spoke above a whisper around her, and no one spoke  _ to  _ her. Most often they’d ignore her. Even when it came to assignments.

Mlle Bustier had stopped asking her for her reasons it happened so often. There was no point in hearing or making up another lie when you could just silently make the exchange and just get on with your day.

Marinette didn’t mind classes with Mlle Bustier though. That was usually all that happened. Oh, and she had problems with group projects, but that wasn’t too hard because Chloe had allowed her to always join her group so long as she did her work.

But she didn’t ever have her shoes go missing or have her clothes ruined in that class.

Marinette had really come to dislike gym days. She usually wouldn’t find her shoes till the next week, sometimes, not at all. She’d had to buy several new pairs, but in the end it happened so much there really wasn’t any point in wasting the money. 

Some of her favorite clothes were ruined as well, but not anything that didn’t look like it couldn’t have come from her own clumsiness, so she couldn’t really say anything about it, and even if she tried, the principal would likely accuse Marinette of doing it for attention. Again.

So Marinette stopped wearing her normal clothes, especially the ones she made, and instead wore thrift shop stuff that didn’t matter too much if they were wrecked. And hoodies.

Lots of hoodies.

They were comfortable and you could hide within them. She could hide the state of her body.

Another thing she stopped bringing was her sketchbook. It had been ruined far too many times.

The only things Marinette brought to school nowadays was a few loose leaf sheets of paper, a single notebook, and her tablet. Nothing personal, that was an instant target for defamation, and not even textbooks were spared so she had read and made notes on pretty much everything in them. Helps that she had a lot more free time since no one came to her for anything anymore.

She kept a careful hold of her tablet. It was easy to hide it where people wouldn’t find it. Never in her locker though.

Her locker was free reign. She kept nothing there anymore.

That wasn’t much of a problem because she’d gained the uncanny ability to hide what little she brought. She hid things  _ everywhere _ . Pencils, erasers, pens, her tablet.

The worst part of her day would have to be when Lila came looking for her.

The vixen would drag her to the bathroom or some quiet space and somehow always found a way to do it without attracting the attention of her followers.

She really liked grabbing her by the hair.

She’d lost a lot of hair ties.

Once away from the prying eyes of others, she’d take her frustrations out on the raven haired girl. Often kicking her. One time she’d filled a sink and drowned Marinette for a little while before pulling her out. Marinette was almost constantly sore with bruises and after that time, she had a hard time speaking for a week, though that didn’t matter much since she didn’t really need to use her voice much anymore.

Lila was always certain to leave her marks where no one would see.

Why didn’t Marinette fight back if she already had nothing?

It was for Adrien.

Lila was close to Adrien. 

She’d threatened to do these sort of things to him too, destroy his reputation, and tear his friends from him.

Marinette didn’t want that. Adrien’s friends were terribly important to him.

As long as Marinette stayed quiet and did nothing to irk Lila, then the vixen’s attention would stay on her.

So she did as she was told.

Things didn’t usually get physical, maybe only half the time. Most, if not all the time, was verbal abuse.

_ “You’re worthless.” _ _   
_ _ “Such a burden.” _ _   
_ _ “You make everyone’s day worse just by being here.” _

_ “So stupid.” _

_ “You can’t do anything right, you can’t even be my punching bag properly.” _ _   
_ _ “Why did anyone ever love you?” _

That sort of thing.

Marinette knew that she was probably just lying, just trying to get into her head, but… what if she’s right?

With the only thing she ever hears anymore be such cruel words, it was almost impossible to ignore them, to not listen.

Tikki tried to convince Marinette that it wasn’t true, but, when Marinette looked around and thought, she realized that Lila must’ve been right, because otherwise, why would they all glare at her like that? Why would they all hate her so much if she  _ wasn’t  _ a burden? 

She’d been right too when she had said that Marinette would lose all her friends and be totally alone. 

So- so maybe she  _ was  _ defective. Maybe she  _ was  _ worthless.

She was sure she was a burden with how slow work had become at the bakery since the rumors started.

Maybe it’d be better if she wasn’t here?

She didn’t know.

The only good thing about the school day was being able to see Adrien.

In the beginning, he’d still been kind to her, trying to help her however he could, and being a proper friend. He had still  _ tried _ .

But she couldn’t  _ let  _ him try. 

If he associated with her too much, he’d be dragged into the blackhole known as Marinette.

She couldn’t let that happen, so she stopped talking, stopped accepting invites from him, just... stopped.

He still continued to try for her even after that, and it warmed her heart how much someone still cared, but then he got busy, so busy he was trying desperately just to stay on top of his school work and not fall asleep in class. 

Marinette was sad about it, but still grateful that he’d basically forgotten her.

He wouldn’t get hurt.

She wouldn’t hurt him.

It was just another day for Marinette, that last day.

It was just another day. 

But during one of the period transitions, Lila pulled her aside, an arm around her shoulder like they were friends, and brought out her phone.

She turned it on to a picture.

In it, Lila was being held closely, locked into a kiss, and the one who had her so kindly wrapped in his arms was none other than Adrien.

She wondered if perhaps Adrien had also fallen to Lila, another follower, now unable to tell lie from truth.

Marinette’s gut twisted and jealousy reared its ugly head. 

It shouldn’t have, Marinette had let go of ever being with Adrien when she had become an untouchable, but she still loved him terribly, and despite the distance, her love grew each day, especially when he found some time in his busy schedule to give her a morsel of kindness, and the picture was a mockery to her.

It was all that she lost.

All that she’d never have, and she wished she could have had that.

But she was worthless. 

A burden.

A waste of space and time. 

So she’d never have that, she didn’t even  _ deserve  _ it, and perhaps it was that thought that brought tears to her eyes.

Lila smiled viciously and whispered into her ear before skipping off to the next class where Alya waited for her.

_ “I’ve kept up on my promise. I’ve won and Adrien is now mine.” _

She had said, and that had hurt, but when had Lila ever stopped hurting her? 

It was the next part that truly got to her.

_ “Maybe you should just kill yourself and hope you’ll wake up as someone like me in your next life.” _

That was something new.

Lila hadn’t ever said anything like that before.

But that actually kinda sounded nice.

If she died, she no longer would burden everyone around her, she wouldn’t be worthless anymore. And maybe she truly  _ could  _ become someone worth love in her next life, if there was even such a thing. 

Yes, that would be quite nice.

Like finding and fixing the cog that had shifted out of place, everything…  _ clicked. _

The thoughts had been building. The solution inevitable. But now it was something solid.

Something that gave her a goal, a meaning. 

The cup overflowed and it was an easy thing to slide into this transition, an easy thing to choose the end.

Marinette went through the rest of the day in a blur, and before she knew it, she was standing at the crosswalk to her home, a familiar and warm hand on her shoulder, golden locks the color of the sun and emerald green eyes filling her vision.

Tikki moved within her purse.

Oh.

Right.

She couldn’t just leave yet.

She had to return Tikki.

Marinette looked into the worried green eyes of the one who had unknowingly caught her heart.

He’d take care of her.

He had worked so hard for her as Aspik, he would surely take care of Tikki.

Slowly, Marinette took out her earrings, Tikki not knowing at all what she had done or what her charge was to do, and placed them in those large, kind hands that were so very warm.

Yes, he’d take care of Tikki.

She looked back over her shoulder. Oh, the light had just turned red. But she needed to get home. When she got home, she could figure out how to leave.

She glanced down the road and saw no cars coming.

Surely it’d be okay to just go, and if she got hit, then, oh well, less work for her.

Marinette stepped out onto the street the moment someone came around the corner, just a tad too fast than they should have been, but he was late and he needed to get back to work, so he had gone faster than he knew was right.

A girl suddenly walked out into the road before him. Frightened, he had tried to brake, but she was  _ right there _ and he was going just a bit too fast. 

It felt as if the wind had hit Marinette, torn her apart, but there was relief in it, and it had felt so nice. 

She felt as if she were melting scarlet. Something orange and white dripping stickily down her face like maple syrup.

Warm hands wrapped around her and all she could see was Adrien and the pale grey sky above them.

His warmth was truly nice against the biting cold of winter, but the cold wasn’t so biting anymore. Now it was cool, and it too felt nice.

Marinette’s bangs were in the way of seeing Adrien fully. He gently caressed her face, moving them aside, and now she could see the distraught green that looked at her and the way her midnight hair still blocked her entire vision of his golden locks reminded her of a certain feline.

Oh she’d gone and hurt her  _ Chaton  _ after all.

She felt a bit sad about that.

There was nothing to worry about.

She didn’t hurt.

After so much, she didn’t hurt anymore.

Please don’t look at her like that.

She felt a bit embarrassed to have died like this. To have had him watch her be torn apart so soon. She had thought of maybe dying on her own, without an audience. But this was okay too. It was actually the fact that it had felt nice that she was truly embarrassed though, because Marinette knew that that’s not usually how it should feel and that it made her sound like she was masochistic and she very much was not. She couldn’t really explain why it had felt good to her.

She was thankful it hadn’t hurt.

But now  _ he _ was hurting, and he shouldn’t be.

What could she say to make him feel a little better?

Ahh, what he had always wanted to hear from her would work.

She could do it now, and she could mean it full heartedly.

_ “Mon Chaton.” _

She smiled softly and said it, the words she had never been able to find herself capable of uttering.

She wasn’t able to see his reaction though, because the wind had come for her again, and she was fading, disappearing. She no longer existed anywhere anymore, and it was such a pleasant feeling.

The only thing left of her echoed about her like a music box, her own words, and soon, even those had stopped, the winding key having not been turned again.

_ “Je ne peux pas vivre sans toi.” _

_ I can’t live without you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? Surprise you?  
> I hope so! I can't exactly say that I hope you liked it after all because that's kinda weird.  
> Thanks for reading!  
> Comments, questions, and feedback are welcome! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully this still counts as part of the [Miraculous Ladybug fanworks'](https://discord.gg/mlfanworks) October challenges! They said that it should be but I'm still hoping nonetheless.  
> Thank you all for reading this fic!


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